Being the ‘Pregnant Friend’


I’ve been thinking long and hard about how honest I always want to be on this blog. I know there are some bloggers that will only share certain parts of their lives or thoughts, and others who are complete open books. My current situation (re: being pregnant) has been one of those times where I worry about what others might think of me if I shared my completely honest thoughts.

This weekend was a fun one–I got in a (rough) 8-mile run with my running group, then M and I had a “day date” where we started off at Man O’War CrossFit for his workout (which I made up, more on that later) and then lunch at a new place (for us) new UK’s campus. Then he headed off to work, I headed for a nap and waited for a friend from out of town to hit me up.

I went to hang out with some friends for the rest of the afternoon until we went to dinner. It was maybe the first time I felt left out, and I know they didn’t mean anything by it. But it was then that I felt like I was the “pregnant friend.” Over chips and salsa, we laughed and joked. The girls each had margaritas while I rocked the ice water. After dinner we headed back to the house so they could get ready to hit the bars downtown…and the pregnant friend could serve as their bartender. I didn’t mind, though apparently I made the drinks too strong (oops, I’m used to being able to taste my drink as I make them…). Watching them try on clothes, get super cute and laugh really bummed me out. I caught glimpses of myself in the mirror, already having a belly (though it’s not a bump yet, right now just looks like I’ve gained a bunch of weight), and realizing how hard it is for me to get dressed up and look super cute any more.

No more late-night parties for this one...for a few years, at least.

No more late-night parties for this one…for a few years, at least.

I’m sure this will sound petty, maybe selfish or something, but it was sad to leave them as they piled in a car to head downtown and I headed back to my empty house. It was a sudden slap in the face that, from now on, life as I have known it, has changed. Gone are the late nights of drinking and laughing with my single friends. Gone are the days of carpooling with friends to agility trials and sharing a room (I was already told that there would be no “baby wake-up calls” during agility weekends, so I needed to be prepared to have my own room, as well as driving on my own, since a car seat doesn’t fit well in the back with the dog crates and dogs). Gone is my old life. Right now, I’m the “pregnant friend” and soon I’ll be that “friend-with-a-kid”.

I’m sure every mom-to-be has had this realization, and maybe they all see it or handle it differently. For me, it’s hard. Real hard. When the majority of your friends are either childless or just free of any major concerns, you are the odd-man-out. It’s been one of major fears ever since I found out I was pregnant–being abandoned by my friends that I’ve grown to love and be close to. Again, it might sound selfish, but I’ve always been one to rely on friends, and I hate to see a change in our relationships.

I’ve had family tell me it’ll be alright, that you should expect a change in your dynamic of friends when there’s such a big change in your family dynamic, and perhaps I’ll become closer with the couple of friends who already have children, and maybe I’ll make new ones. But I’m one of those hangers-on, and I don’t accept change very well. Yes, I’ll have my husband, and I’ll be immersed in caring for “Baby A+W”, so much so that maybe I won’t realize how much I miss those friends. And, yes, I do believe that if someone is important to you, and you are important to them, they’ll make the attempt to still be there and still be friends and be a part of your life–if they don’t, then perhaps they weren’t that good of a friend.

(haha Sorry for the middle finger, but I thought this was perfect)

(haha Sorry for the middle finger, but I thought this was perfect)

For now, it’s just another part of accepting the major changes going on in my life right now–one huge rollercoaster of fears, thoughts, emotions, and life.

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5 thoughts on “Being the ‘Pregnant Friend’

  1. I think it’s completely understandable that you feel the way you do. Being pregnant is a very drastic lifestyle change. Just keep in mind that your relationships with your friends might change, but they will still be your friends. I know that some of my friends with kids can’t drink and go out, but I’d still really like to spend time with them. I think they tend to think my life is a lot more crazy and exciting that it really is. I would be more than happy to come hang out with them if they would invite me over.

    • Thank you for the positive words! I am hoping that my friends will stay friends, not fade to acquaintances. But I also think friends with babies tend to be worried about the rejection of asking childless-friends to hang out, especially if they know those friends aren’t big on kids. (One friend with kids told me this a while ago.) Maybe there’s a lack of communication/understanding among both parties.

  2. Megan,
    Most all of my friends are now married with children (and you know me, I have no children or a husband. HAHA). From my experience, your relationships will have a different dynamic but they will still be there. I love all my friends that have children. They love me cause I am single and free, so the minute they have a child free weekend, they call me and we pick up where we left off. Other times, I tag long with them and their kids. Real friendships will be there no matter what. I know things will change and I am sure that is a bit scary but you will adapt and so will the people in your life that truly matter 🙂

    Leigh

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