I’ve been thinking long and hard about how honest I always want to be on this blog. I know there are some bloggers that will only share certain parts of their lives or thoughts, and others who are complete open books. My current situation (re: being pregnant) has been one of those times where I worry about what others might think of me if I shared my completely honest thoughts.
This weekend was a fun one–I got in a (rough) 8-mile run with my running group, then M and I had a “day date” where we started off at Man O’War CrossFit for his workout (which I made up, more on that later) and then lunch at a new place (for us) new UK’s campus. Then he headed off to work, I headed for a nap and waited for a friend from out of town to hit me up.
I went to hang out with some friends for the rest of the afternoon until we went to dinner. It was maybe the first time I felt left out, and I know they didn’t mean anything by it. But it was then that I felt like I was the “pregnant friend.” Over chips and salsa, we laughed and joked. The girls each had margaritas while I rocked the ice water. After dinner we headed back to the house so they could get ready to hit the bars downtown…and the pregnant friend could serve as their bartender. I didn’t mind, though apparently I made the drinks too strong (oops, I’m used to being able to taste my drink as I make them…). Watching them try on clothes, get super cute and laugh really bummed me out. I caught glimpses of myself in the mirror, already having a belly (though it’s not a bump yet, right now just looks like I’ve gained a bunch of weight), and realizing how hard it is for me to get dressed up and look super cute any more.
I’m sure this will sound petty, maybe selfish or something, but it was sad to leave them as they piled in a car to head downtown and I headed back to my empty house. It was a sudden slap in the face that, from now on, life as I have known it, has changed. Gone are the late nights of drinking and laughing with my single friends. Gone are the days of carpooling with friends to agility trials and sharing a room (I was already told that there would be no “baby wake-up calls” during agility weekends, so I needed to be prepared to have my own room, as well as driving on my own, since a car seat doesn’t fit well in the back with the dog crates and dogs). Gone is my old life. Right now, I’m the “pregnant friend” and soon I’ll be that “friend-with-a-kid”.
I’m sure every mom-to-be has had this realization, and maybe they all see it or handle it differently. For me, it’s hard. Real hard. When the majority of your friends are either childless or just free of any major concerns, you are the odd-man-out. It’s been one of major fears ever since I found out I was pregnant–being abandoned by my friends that I’ve grown to love and be close to. Again, it might sound selfish, but I’ve always been one to rely on friends, and I hate to see a change in our relationships.
I’ve had family tell me it’ll be alright, that you should expect a change in your dynamic of friends when there’s such a big change in your family dynamic, and perhaps I’ll become closer with the couple of friends who already have children, and maybe I’ll make new ones. But I’m one of those hangers-on, and I don’t accept change very well. Yes, I’ll have my husband, and I’ll be immersed in caring for “Baby A+W”, so much so that maybe I won’t realize how much I miss those friends. And, yes, I do believe that if someone is important to you, and you are important to them, they’ll make the attempt to still be there and still be friends and be a part of your life–if they don’t, then perhaps they weren’t that good of a friend.
For now, it’s just another part of accepting the major changes going on in my life right now–one huge rollercoaster of fears, thoughts, emotions, and life.
- How to Handle Your Best Friend Getting Pregnant (Cosmopolitan.com)