Depression Affects More Than You Think


This post has been months in the making. I started it in August…then re-worked it in September…and now it’s October. This has been tough for me to really wrap my head around and come to terms with. I have been suffering from depression.

My depression was caused by a catastrophic life change earlier this summer, when my world was rocked and I began to question everything I’ve come to know about myself. Now that I look back on it, I think I was battling the initial stages/signs of depression for almost a year before things finally snapped. I was so miserably unhappy in my job and where I was career-wise, I barely had any support from those I worked with, minus a few friends. There was no direction as to what I could really do to make things better, until it all just came to a blow.

I was also dealing with some personal issues, too personal to really talk about here, but I believe it definitely contributed to the state I’m in now.

I’ve talked with a counselor and with my general practice doctor. I’m on medicine with the idea it would help balance things out, help me concentrate and focus again, and be my old self. It’s not meant to be a forever thing–only to help me get through this rather rough patch…whenever that might be.

I started back down this road of “getting better” with the intention that it would happen quickly…but it hasn’t. I know things can’t be solved overnight, but some relief would be nice.

The scary thing is? They say you get good endorphins by exercising…if I’m still feeling this way even after a kick-ass CrossFit workout and 2 mile walk with my dogs, in the fresh air, how much worse could I feel if I didn’t workout as much as I do??

I’ve been using CrossFit as my escape lately. I’ve gone everyday, and when I can’t go it sends me deeper into the mess I’ve been feeling.

I’ve seen my sister struggle with her depression and other issues when we were growing up. I never imagined I could suffer from the same thing–I always thought, “I’ll never be like that…I have everything together…”

Apparently I don’t have everything together. I’ve spent my entire life trying to live up to such a high standard that maybe I’ve set for myself, or maybe it’s been set for me…but for me to admit what I used to consider a fault is hard.

It’s really hard.

But I’m trying.

I’m trying to think positive.

I’m trying to make my body move often.

I’m trying let go of a lot of things that hurt me.

I’m trying to forgive the people that have hurt me.

I’m trying to not let this crush me and change me for the worse, but instead push me to change for the better.

Change

 

I hope this post is the positive right step. I’d appreciate any support or any words of wisdom. For now, I’m trying to keep my chin up and mind clear.

Your turn: Have you dealt with, or do you know someone who’s dealing with, depression?

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12 thoughts on “Depression Affects More Than You Think

  1. Recognizing that you don’t feel yourself and making steps to move forward is huge! Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies and sometimes that is hard to accept at times, at least I know it is for me. Getting up each day and trying to have a great day and hoping for an even better tomorrow, is all you can do. I think sometimes we are our worst enemies. I KNOW that you are a highly intelligent, fun, hilarious, beautiful woman that I very much admire! 🙂 See you Wed!!

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  3. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this. I know how hard it is, but you’re doing all of the right things. You’ve gotten yourself some extra help and you keep doing what makes you happy. All of those things will help you feel better in the end. I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety for half of my life. I’ve been in and out of therapy and on and off medication. I think what you have going for you is that you keep moving forward. I stopped doing all of the things that I enjoyed. I just didn’t want to do them anymore. I think it took longer for me to improve because of that. You’ll get through it. It’s hard now, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Hugs!

  4. I am working on a depression post as well. That’s how I came across your post. I feel for you. Your story sounds similar to mine. I had no idea I was depressed until I snapped about a year later. But it was definitely a really crappy feeling for an entire year until that time. I was put in touch with an emotional healer. I think they call it energy healing or chaukra healing. I am not a huge naturalist by any means, but this seriously worked. Not promising it’ll work for you. But for me, as not a huge believer in some of those crazy natural healings, I would say definitely look into it. I know God worked a miracle for me. I bet he’d be willing to work a miracle for you too if you ask Him. 🙂 Good luck!

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  7. don’t feel so bad Megan as another depressed person the the facts are statistically proven Today the forgotten long term depressed MEN of the world are far more likely to actually successfully commit suicide and yet receive the least (if any) help….

    ill not sugar coat it for the readers ,as a long term 30 years+ manic depressive man i ask that they should consider when its quiet and their alone and calm, remember that’s when our demons are most active, contemplate that and adjust your interactions with us to accommodate our long term pain

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