Too Busy to be In Love?


(Note: This is another one of those personal stream of thought postings [that I’m trying to not get too personal], so please forgive me if this post doesn’t make 100% sense…)

Is it possible that you can be too busy to be in love with life? I ask this because of a personal issue to someone I’m connected with, that I was always concerned that they were too busy for their personal life and too busy to make their marriage work.

In this day and age, it’s not hard to find someone who is burning the candle at both ends–I know I’m guilty of it, especially in the summer when my volleyball reffing gig picks up. We seem to be more focused on status–whether it be of monetary value or professional value–which then takes our focus away from the other, perhaps smaller things, in life.

Do we really have to live by the tones of an alarm clock to find happiness?

Do we really have to live by the tones of an alarm clock to find happiness?

But isn’t there a point where you just have to stop and think for a minute that perhaps you’re attacking your life all wrong? Lately it seems like I’ll look back and can’t believe I’ve been married for almost five months now…time seems to be flying! And when I look at everything I’ve done since October, it’s no wonder that the days all zoom by me–I’m too busy to take a few deep breaths and enjoy what’s already around me. And I fear that’s what’s happened to my family member who has just realized she isn’t in love.

We look hard and long for that special someone who makes our life whole, and then we (well, most of us) take our time getting to know that person so we know if they’re right for us. Then we marry and our life truly begins again…and then you turn on the fast forward button.

You keep yourself so busy that the marriage becomes one of convenience–you know you’re not coming home to an empty house and there’s someone to take care of the pets while you’re out and about doing whatever. But you forget that you married that special someone to spend your life and share your time with, not to have as an convenience. Your spouse is there to be your supporter, but they’re also there to share themselves with you. If you don’t give them that opportunity, then you quickly forget why you married that someone.

I know I’ve been guilty of never being home, of being too busy with my friends and other plans that I’ve neglected my relationship with M. And I’ve worked hard to rectify that situation and to make life better for us. It’s so difficult to keep that delicate balance because there’s so much I want to do and to accomplish, and I always feel like life won’t let me catch up. But you have to be mature enough to really step back and realize how you got to the point you’re at now and why you are there. You have to make the effort to fix what you’ve broken because of your inattentiveness. You can’t expect 100% of that effort to come from the other party, instead it has to a team experience–50/50.

Do I fear that this individual has just given up and doesn’t want to try to fix things? Yes, I do. And it’s a selfish act to just give up on someone you’ve once proclaimed you loved with all your heart, and that someone you know would move heaven and earth for. It’s selfish to just give up, to just move on like you’re not hurting anyone. Because it’s more than just yourself you should be thinking about, but the other party and those affected by the dissolving of a marriage. I know you have to make yourself happy, but you also need to look deep inside yourself to figure out what it is you really need that was pulling you away and pushing you to be so busy.

Things are going to be rocky for a while, but I hope the boat rightens itself soon…

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3 thoughts on “Too Busy to be In Love?

  1. I’m so sorry to hear that someone close to you is going through this. I believe you’re right that we focus on things that aren’t important and lose sigh of the things that are. Sometimes we’re forced to be busy and that takes an added toll on us. Sometimes I feel like C and I drift apart during the week. We spend so little time together and the time that is spent together we are distracted by various screens. On the weekend it’s a little better. We seem to reconnect. We go grocery shopping together and while it takes a good 2-3 hours out of our Sunday I refuse to give it up because it seems like its the only time we really have. It’s hard and it takes work constantly. Some people give up more easily.

  2. I’ve been married for six months and I understand this completely. My husband and I both work full time and have opposite schedules so that proves to be difficult. But, if it’s worth it you’ll make time. We make sure to spend our weekends together as much as possible and have date nights and will do special things in the evening even if we just get an hour or so together.

    With that said, it’s very important for the two people to thrive separately as well as together. I have my own hobbies, blog, have my own group of girlfriends and a support system. My husband has great guy friends, plays music and his own hobbies as well. We have hobbies we share also but it’s just as important as us to be US as well as WE. 🙂

    • Thank you for your experience and advice. My husband and I have our own things, as well, but we’re trying to find things we can do together to bond over, that would be fun, but not too expensive. It’s a fine line some times!

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