One of my “dirty little secrets” is that every once in a while I indulge myself in a little “Ice Loves Coco“. That’s right… Yes there are times that you’re just like: Really? But, when you watch the show, you see that they really do have a genuine love and respect for each other–an honest true love that everyone is looking for.
Anyway, during the last episode, Ice T says something about support groups. He said how you start life with your parents as your support system, then you’re single looking for that newest support. When you marry, you are your significant other’s support–you are each other’s support. It’s not just you any more, it’s the two of you…together.
It’s a hard concept to grasp, especially if you’ve spent quite a few years on your own. It’s hard to battle those urges of selfishness. There are times you just want to think about yourself, but you have to remember there’s someone else that is relying on you and leaning on any decision you make.
As a newlywed, you’re warned that the first year of marriage is the toughest, because you’re trying to readjust your lifestyle. But it’s even harder when you go through the struggles of unemployment.
It’s no secret that M lost his job two months before the wedding. Since then he’s applied for at least 100 jobs (including the 25 he’s applied for in the past two weeks). He’s had a few interviews, but nothing has come to fruition, except disappointment.
It’s hard to see your husband struggle with the thought that he isn’t the “bread-winner of the family” like most typical male heads of family are expected to be. You know his pride is bruised. You know his heart is breaking…and yours breaks right along with him. You try to offer encouragement, but you feel like your words can’t even make a tiny dent in what’s going on through their head.
So you try to take things in stride–allow them to cope in however they feel is best for them. You’re afraid he might be sensitive to requests or even the slight negative tone. So you walk on eggshells in your own home. And that’s not right…that’s not fair to you or your husband.
Times like unemployment is when you need your support system the most, even if you don’t think you do. And it’s not just your husband who needs the support, but you need the support from your husband as well. You need to know that you’re doing alright just trying to keep the house together, not to mention your marriage.
I don’t really know how you can show your support for each other, besides being there for them, talking with them, maybe trying to change the mood in the house every now and then with attempts at fun activities or just trying to get out of the house. Write them an encouraging note–remind him/her why you married them or that you’re here for them. Make a nice dinner at home–have a romantic evening planned at home (that way it’s free!) so it’s just the two of you (and NO technology). Small tokens and gestures can some times mean the most. But even just the time spent together can be a special one.
So don’t forget to build upon your support–it’s not just about you any more. Enjoy your marriage and your journey through life together, no matter the size or the number of bumps (or trenches) in the road.